Although, spiritually a woman and man both are the same marginal energy of the Lord and are constitutionally His servant, having taken different bodies in the material realm, they are expected to behave differently and fulfill their human obligations to solely please the Lord.  In scriptures, the wife is described as the better half of a man since, she works with him under his protection and guidance, to fulfill half of his responsibilities.  She offers her loyalty and faithful service which is very crucial for a man’s progress.  A married man is deficient without a nice wife.

A woman needs protection at all times.  Women are gentle, and tender at heart and it is the duty of the husband to guard her physical and emotional well-being.  Though the husband protects the wife, she in turn protects the husband in a very important way.  We can see this in the example of King Puranjana described in Srimad Bhagavatam.  (canto 4).  Srila Prabhupada explains in his purport that the body is like a fort, the senses are like the plunderers and the wife is the commander of the fort.  In the material world, the senses are under constant attack and when this infection seeps into the consciousness, the wife who is the commander of the fort called body, comes to the husband’s rescue.  A wife who plays this crucial role of the commander of the fort, is also called in scriptures as “durgapati.”  She is the protection of the husband who may fall down and indulge in illicit activities. She guides and protects her husband – but not through harsh words, mockery, challenge, insults or arrogance but by her unswerving love, affection, chastity, and humble service attitude. A human being’s – especially a woman’s – strength is not just in knowing and executing prescribed duties, but in the attitude with which it is executed.

There are many illustrations of how a husband who does not heed to the gentle advice of his chaste wife, falls down to his total destruction.  Mandodari, who was a chaste and faithful wife of Ravana advised him many times to correct his demonic ways.  But he did not listen to her.  Dhritarastra too never heeded to the good advice of his chaste wife Gandhari and was responsible for the situation going out of control.  Tara, the faituful wife of Vali was also ignored by Vali and was killed by Lord Ramachandra in the battle.

A good wife should gently guide and advice the husband with sweet words, but if he is arrogant enough not to heed to the suggestions, he alone is responsible for the the consequences and the karmic entanglements.  The wife has no bearing in this, as long as she surrenders to the Lord and keeps her chastity.

So here are a few excerpts from scriptures and quotes of Srila Prabhupada which articulate the crucial role a wife plays in a Krsna Conscious marriage:

•  A wife should serve her husband with love and devotion.  Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to Srimad Bhagavatam 7.11.25, “To render service to the husband, to be always favorably disposed toward the husband, to be equally well disposed toward the husband’s relatives and friends, and to follow the vows of the husband—these are the four principles to be followed by women described as chaste. “

• A woman can actually experience more freedom than a man because she only has to serve her husband.  The great devotee Bhismadeva says that men must undergo many kinds of religious sacrifices, give in charity, etc.  But a woman has to only please her devotee husband with her service and sweet disposition.  Srila Prabhupada says in his letter dated 16 Feb 1972, “…No school is required for learning the duties of a wife, simply association…A woman’s real business is to look after household affairs, keep everything neat and clean”  In Srimad Bhagavatam purport 7.11.26-27 he says, “Being modest and truthful, controlling her senses, and speaking in sweet words, a chaste woman should engage in the service of her husband with love, according to time and circumstances.”

• The wife should always be cheerful, clean and well-dressed.  She should be an expert in managing the household, the finances and other resources, which the husband works hard to provide to keep her and the children comfortable.  She is responsible for ensuring more money is saved for devotional service to Krishna.

• Sometimes, if the husband is upset or in a bad mood, she should not take it personally and understand that material life is always prickly and even though he is engaged in serving the Lord, it can be weary at times.  She should do all that she can to make it peaceful and comfortable for him.  Sometimes silence works the best.  In such times, it’s best to chant the Holy names more and more rather than getting all emotional about it.  Srila Prabhupada says, “In this regard, Canakya Pandita gives a very valuable instruction: dampatyoh kalaho nasti tatra srih svayam agatah. When there are no fights between husband and wife, the goddess of fortune automatically comes to the home.”

• Srila Prabhupada explains that both husband and wife must perform devotional service as instructed by a bona fide Guru.  The husband must follow the Spiritual Master so nicely that he can create the right atmosphere of Krishna consciousness for his wife and children.

As long as the husband is a devotee, even if he is a neophyte, the wife should serve him faithfully.  Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to Srimad Bhagavatam 7.11.28, “….Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu also said, yei bhaje sei bada, abhakta—hina, chara.  Anyone who is a devotee is sinless. One who is not a devotee, however, is the most fallen and condemned.  It is recommended, therefore, that a chaste wife not associate with a fallen husband.  A fallen husband is one who is addicted to the four principles of sinful activity—namely illicit sex, meat-eating, gambling and intoxication. Specifically, if one is not a soul surrendered to the Supreme Personality of Godhead, he is understood to be contaminated”

He also says, “The faithfulness of the goddess of fortune is the ideal for a chaste woman. The Brahma-samhita (5.29) says, laksmi-sahasra-sata-sambhrama-sevyamanam. In the Vaikuntha planets, Lord Visnu is worshiped by many, many thousands of goddesses of fortune, and in Goloka Vrndavana, Lord Krsna is worshiped by many, many thousands of gopis, all of whom are goddesses of fortune. A woman should serve her husband as faithfully as the goddess of fortune. A man should be an ideal servant of the Lord, and a woman should be an ideal wife like the goddess of fortune. Then both husband and wife will be so faithful and strong that by acting together they will return home, back to Godhead, without a doubt.”  (SB 7.11.29)

Like it is said, marriage between husband and wife means that the husband must forever be responsible for the wife’s well-being and protection in all cases. That does not mean that if there is a disagreement, then one immediately flees the scene and becomes so-called renounced man.  Once a man accepts a woman as his wife, he must be her spiritual guide and fulfill his duties.  He must never swerve from the instructions of the spiritual master.  Similarly, once married, a woman must lovingly serve her husband and remain devoted to him under all circumstance.  She must be the anchor who will help him remain fixed in Krsna consciousness.

By Divya Rupa Devi dasi

[*inputs also from Grihasta manual at desiretreenerwork.com]