Firstly we need to understand the meaning of marriage.  The present age is called the Age of Quarrel – which means people in general will always be at war with others or themselves – no long lasting peace and happiness.  In such an age, prefect marriages are almost like a mirage.  That’s because our definition and understanding of the term perfect is not bona fide.

But now a days the meaning of marriage is being lost because of misplaced expectations.  Any marriage based on physical attraction without a common higher goal will NEVER last.  Like it is said, Dāmpatye ratim eva hi; meaning, the so-called union between man and woman is based only on sex.  But true marriage means, that the husband and wife live together with the common goal of progressing and cooperating in Krishna Consciousness (Srila Prabhupada Lecture, Srimad-Bhagavatam 6.1.66 — Vrndavana, September 2, 1975).  And an outcome of such a marriage is good progeny.  There are many reformatory methods to help human beings advance in spiritual consciousness.  These reformatory methods are called samskara.  And marriage is one of the ten such samskaras recommended for human life.  It is a cleansing process where two people cooperate and help each other.  Srila Prabhupada says, “I want this society must be cleansed. Without being cleansed, nobody can advance in spiritual consciousness.  (Initiation Lecture, Montreal, August 15, 1968)

So the goal of marriage is for the husband and wife to cooperate with each other for advancing in spiritual life and also to beget good children.  Else, life is nothing different from that of animals which have no religion, no conscience.

Here are a few pointers on the consciousness which a couple should carry for a successful marriage.

• A Krishna conscious couple understands that the Will of the providence is supreme and one must be satisfied with what environment they operate in
• They are also cognizant of the fact that their journey back home back to Godhead has started and is progressing.  So they depend totally on God for any kind of success in marriage

Married life means expansion. It is normal to have a child. But sometimes people do not want to have children.  So they should ask themselves why they do not want children – laziness?  Fear?  Raising children means working hard and it involves money and physical labor.  This situation calls for expert advice and counseling so that the husband and wife team are properly disposed towards the bond of marriage and consequently to the common goal thereof.

As parents, the husband and wife team need to understand that children are like sponges.  They soak up anything they are exposed to.  If you expose them to worldly pleasures and mundane conceptions, they will turn out to be materialistic adults with no spiritual foundation.  If you train them carefully in Krishna consciousness, they will absorb the sublime essence of a beautiful way of life.  Their creativity and propensities should be properly utilized in cultivating good consciousness in them and this spiritual success will make them completely self-satisfied adults.  Unfortunately, most modern families have no time for the children in the midst of the rat race they deliberately put themselves into.  They give loads of comfort and soak them up in luxuries of life.  But this will make the kids unnecessarily demanding and competitive.  And when the true challenges of life come up, they will be super-inept in being able to face them with a calm and serene spirit

Children should be handled with both affection and gentle discipline. Canakya Pandita, a great scholar, says that children be given abundant affection till the age of five, disciplined, if necessary, till they attain the age of ten and a child be treated as a friend once he attains the age of sixteen.  This is only a framework and should be used with proper circumspection and spiritual outlook

It is said that if parents cannot save their children from imminent dangers and death, they become responsible for the activities of their animalistic children (Srila Prabhupada). So bringing up children in proper consciousness is the prime duty of a couple and the true meaning of a successful marriage.  Only a father and mother who can elevate their child to the spiritual platform are bona fide parents. There is no question of children’s being a burden for their parents in a Vedic society.  Such a society is so well organized and people are so advanced in spiritual consciousness that childbirth is never regarded as a burden or a botheration. The more a child grows, the more his parents become jubilant because those little steps are in the right direction.

By Divya Rupa Devi Dasi