Every parent’s dream and difficulty – both – is being able to see to it that their child/children is/are safe and successful.  But our premise of safety and success is most often misplaced.  It is the duty of each parent to provide a conducive environment to children where their spiritual consciousness flourishes and consequently they are successful in all material fields that they choose.  Even if they are not successful, they will have the maturity, depth of character and inner peace to be able to be detached from so called failures and painful material conditions

First, it is important to understand the real relationship between a parent and child, from spiritual perspective.  We are all spirit souls and this material body we have is only a vehicle for us to execute our chosen activities in this world.  Just like us, even our children are individual souls who are eternally part and parcel of Krishna.  Which means, they are children of Krishna and have free will.  We cannot force anyone to do anything and that applies to our children too.  Initially, due to their dependence on us, they may do things reluctantly but this is not a sustainable proposition.  Especially when it comes to developing spiritual consciousness, one cannot force the child to become God-loving.  It is a like trying to open up the petals of a flower forcefully.  Unless we understand this spiritual science, we will almost always be unhappy with our lives and feel that we have compromised.

So what can we do as parents?  The best and the most gracious thing we can do for the kids is to be as perfect an example as possible in our own lives.  This spiritual lifestyle that we adopt MUST BE INDEPENDENT OF WHETHER OR NOT OUR CHILD OR EVEN ANYONE ELSE EMULATES US.  Our spiritual lives are independent of everyone and we should only depend on the Lord for making us His instruments to help people in general and our children in particular.  When we have this disposition, it shows in every action.  Then our children will take the our instructions seriously – to the degree of our own seriousness.

We should encourage children to somehow make friends with other children who have similar temperament.  We should orient them in this direction and position them in such a milieu, that they can grow to become nice devotees of the Lord.  This is the primary responsibility of parents.  By the time the child reaches teenage, he/she becomes independent in spirit and may not really tow the line which he/she was very happy to do once.  He may outright reject good counsel and associations.  This is why Krishna consciousness must not be forced but must be publicized and promoted in such a way at home that the child is automatically drawn to the spiritual flavor of this process.

But if the teenager, due to unfavorable association, becomes attracted to materialistic and destructive ways of life including bad habits, all that the parents can do is to explain what is right and what is wrong in a loving way.  Explaining the consequences of their choices with proper examples and subtle scriptural references will help.  If parents have good association with other Krishna Conscious families, they can hope to create a good environment for their children.  It would be advisable to move to locations which are more conducive for such spiritual developments.

In spite of all good will and efforts to raise the child in God consciousness, it is found that some of the children do go astray at some stage in their life for a first-hand understanding of the nature of this material world.  But if parents can place all their faith in Krishna’s Will and His Supremacy and continue on the devotional path themselves, the children do come back to become excellent devotees and embrace Krishna consciousness are the best gift that life has ever given them.

Srila Prabhupada says in the purport to Srimad Bhagavatam [1.5.24] that an irresponsible life of sense enjoyment was unknown to the children of people who followed religious injunctions. Without parents themselves being self-controlled, disciplined and fully obedient to spiritual tenets, there is no way they can set example for others to follow.

Srila Prabhupada in on of his letters has compared the children to the Deities in the temple. “For you, child-worship is more important than deity-worship…These children are given to us by Krishna, they are Vaisnavas and we must be very careful to protect them. These are not ordinary children, they are Vaikuntha children, and we are very fortunate we can give them chance to advance further in Krishna Consciousness. That is very great responsibility, do not neglect it or be confused. Your duty is very clear (Letter to Arundhati, July 1972)

 

[*images courtsey iskcondesiretree.com.  inspired by Grihasta Manual compilation]