One of the young girls – about 16 years old – who I speak to often, said to me recently that she was “falling in love”.  I looked at her and smiled.  And asked her slowly, “Why are you falling and not rising?”  She looked confused.  I continued, “Today you have fallen in love; tomorrow you may fall out of love.  When does the falling stop…or why fall at all?”  She looked perplexed and said, “well…but…that is just an expression, you know…”.

Is it?

Many youngsters fall soon, in today’s world.  And this fall is more serious that anyone would even acknowledge it to be.  They consider it a part of learning process.  But without an authoritative foundation, no experience in this material world will ever translate into learning or wisdom.  This is a right-here-right-now-right-now age.  There is a sense of exigency to grab whatever flickering joy comes our way and attempt to make a ‘beautiful, ever-lasting poem’ out of it.  And then, there is the other end of spectrum, where narcissistic people squash and confine the meaning of love to suit their unquenchable lust.  Any lack of it, makes them angry people.  The initial “wow” effect of such relationships based on physical attraction lasts for a while and if the couple are lucky enough to enter into marriage these days, then start the disagreements, disrespect, derision, disappointments, discounts, discord and then finally divorce.

No relationship based on temporary flights of fancy and irrational expectations for a ‘lasting’ material pleasure, can be sustained.  Youngsters go through wild emotional roller-coasters and this leads to many unwanted and damaging impressions which hamper future chance at better, higher life.  This is because of dire lack of knowledge, training and application of the principles of human behavior and the laws of material nature.  This knowledge is lacking even in many elders, especially parents..what to speak of young people.

One must understand the origin and meaning of love.  Real love grows slowly and deeply.  It enriches the lives of both the lover and the loved.  It stays firmly rooted when it is nurtured with respect, appreciation, kindness and understanding.  This kind of wholesomeness to a relationship can come about only when love originates in the spirit and not in the genitals.  Meaning, love goes one full circle when it finds both it’s spiritual origin and objective.  That’s when one plays within this shield of protection, where there is a divine energy that encircles the person and any detrimental experiments of life can be avoided.

There can actually be no real love unless it is re-routed through The Supreme Personality of Godhead.  When we disconnect from and don’t acknowledge the Supreme Lord, Krishna, who is the origin of love, there is no endurance, substance or meaning to any relationship on earth.  Nirbandhe Krishna sambandhe.  When we understand our relationship with God and respect the fact that everyone has a unique relationship with Him, then our relationship with everyone flourishes.  Else, it remains just as the vacillating and temporary feeling which can never grow or inspire one into spiritual fulfillment.  Love needs connection on the spiritual level, to blossom.

Srila Prabhupada says that When a girl or woman is accepted as a sense gratificatory agency, personal beauty is the main consideration, and as soon as there is a break in personal sense gratification, there is disruption or divorce. But when the relationship is aimed at spiritual advancement by mutual cooperation, then there’s genuine respect and love.  We can’t really love anyone unless we sincerely desire their spiritual progress and overall well-being

God is the center. If you love God, then you can love others also very perfectly. (Srila Prabhupada lecture, CC 7.49-65, 1967).  So, firstly, we should learn how to love Krishna.  And then, we will be able to love others in our lives, even when they don’t know how to love us back.  That is the sign of love. Srila Prabhupada says there are six signs of love.  “ They are six in number. What is that? You give something to your lover, and you accept something from your lover. If you simply go on giving your lover, and if you don’t…, your lover does not give you something, then there is no love. Dadāti pratigṛhṇāti. Everything is defined in the Vedic literature. Love means one should give and should accept also. Dadāti pratigṛhṇāti bhuṅkte bhojayate. One should give the lover eatables and accept eatables from him or her. Dadāti pratigṛhṇāti bhuṅkte bhojayate guhyam ākhyāti pṛcchati ca… You should not keep anything secret within your mind, and the lover should not keep anything secret within the mind. If these six kinds of exchanges are there, then there is love. And that love should be without any reason and without being stopped by any material cause.” (Lecture Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.2.6, 1971). 

Here in this material world, the so-called love is not actual love. It is lust. Here the male and female are attracted not by love but by lust. So in this Kṛṣṇa consciousness society, because we are trying to approach the Absolute Truth, the lust propensity has to be converted into pure love. (Lecture, Montreal, 1968)

So does this mean we should give up on all relationships and become monks?  No.  Srila Prabhupada says, “We are dancing, we are chanting, we are eating, and we have love also between husband and wife, between boys and girls. We allow everything. But everything is targeted to achieve to the highest goal of life, Viṣṇu, or Kṛṣṇa. That is the significance of this life. We don’t stop anything, but we regulate everything to achieve the highest perfection of life.” (Lecture, Boston, 1969)

In essence, today’s generation feels that ‘we can do our own thing.  Everything is ok in the name of freedom of expression and there’s nothing wrong with falling in love or having sex.  Why make a big deal of it.  Why put so many barriers and impediments to happiness and enjoyment?’.  Yes everyone of us wants to be happy forever.  The problem is we do not know what happiness or enjoyment is.  We don’t know where we can find eternal joy.  We can’t even define what joy or enjoyment is.  We just want an ideal, conflict free arrangement.  But the truth is, this is materially impossible.  Human being is meant to be happy always but he doesn’t configure his life in a way to achieve it.  Like Srila Prabhupada says, “Unless he comes to the spiritual platform, that is not possible at all. But he has no idea of the spiritual life. But these dreams are there because everyone is spiritual being, so he wants that ideal society. But because he has no spiritual idea or aim, he is simply putting some program which is almost Utopian. It will never be possible.” (Lecture, Discussions with B.F Skinner and Henry David)

Unless we understand the goal of our life, the origin and objective of our loving feelings, we will remain stuck between aches and heartbreaks of this mundane world.  And we will always ‘fall’ and never rise in love.

 

By Divya Rupa Devi Dasi

 

(*image courtsey, operationgaga.com