There are a lot of myths around the nature of spiritual relationships.  We often hear quotes like “two souls with a single thought”, “two hearts that beat as one” etc.  These quotes are nothing but aggrandizement of possessiveness and material envy in the name of love.  Let’s understand the nature of the soul before delving into the ‘spiritual nature’ of human relationships.

1. The soul is avinashi. Indestructible (BG 2.17)
2. It is saririnah. That which taken on a body (BG 2.18). Which means the body that we use to build relationships is in itself temporary. (and we try to build permanent and exploitative relationships using temporary and selfish instruments)
3. It is aprameya. That which is immeasurable (BG 2.18). Without knowing ourselves, we cannot know or love anyone else.
4. It exhibits the feature of na hanyate hanyamane sarire. Not Destroyed even when the body perishes. (BG 2.20). But we want to extract and squeeze out as much pleasure as possible from that incompatible realm.
5. Lord Krishna says in the Gita, “samoham sarva bhutesu”. I am Equally disposed to all living beings”. Even if the soul had a ‘gender’, it wouldn’t matter to either the great gurus or sages or to the Supreme Lord Himself.
6. caturvarnyam maya sristyam. (BG 4.13) Lord Krishna says in the Gita, that He created the four varnas based on guna and karma. There’s no mention of gender-based division. Even when He said women, vaishyas and sudras can come to Me, The Lord is opening His arms to every living and loving entity. Not gender-based assertion. Why is this important – because one of the contentions in today’s marriages is the unwillingness of either genders to look at the new realities and roles of each gender in the society.
7. Arjuna laments about how the women of a family become polluted when irreligion becomes prominent. This essentially talks about equity-based and role-based approach to a family or society rather than the modern day gender-based discrimination, which causes discord in relationships.
8. Women have the critical role to play in the family dynamics and so does a man. The very fact that Krishna is the only recognized Eternal Purusha, means that on the material platform the gender roles we play are temporary and not to be identified with in as much as necessary for serving the Eternal Purpose of life. In this sense, this creation of the human society and the arrangements within, are a mimicry of the Eternal Principle of “The Served and The servitor” in the temporary material training field. This Original principle has been reduced into a gender superiority battle in Kali Yuga

Unless one is imparted the knowledge of this fundamental principle, and trained to look at any relationship as a battleground preparation to prove to our Creator that “Yes, I want to learn how to serve You and become worthy of serving You, and if I have to play a temporary role of the servitor, I am ready to.” This is exactly the positions Vedic women took in their marriages. And men were exalted and spiritually conscious to honor and love such a woman. If not, there will always be a lacuna in understanding how to relate to anyone on this material plane – be it a child, a lover, or a sibling or even a friend. And this is the reason 99% of the relationships fail or at least sour after a while – because no one approaches the landing strip or the runway from the right angle; and the plane is bound to crash-land. This attitude is what Srila Prabhupada so vividly explains as ‘lording over the material nature’. We want to ‘lord’ over the person or the relationship with that person. Either that, or we want permanence of pleasure experiences in the relationship using an instrument that is temporary and also incompatible with our real nature. Both are not possible.

If two individual souls are able to connect with each other knowing the following unbreakable laws of relationships

1. We are above and beyond the gender constraints and demands of the material body
2. We are here to learn the spirit of loving devotional service and the relationships on this plane are a great training/practice ground.

then there is a great chance that they can have harmonious and loving relationships even in this difficult and distressful kali yuga.

Also, when we know that the life we live on this planet is so short, we live in blips on the cosmic timescale, and everyone is enjoying or suffering their own karmas – good or bad – we can genuinely build empathic relationships, which are not about satisfying one’s own personal lusty desires or agendas.

And how can anyone hope to attain this sublime and wonderful relationship without being a devotee of Krishna first? It is only He who can inspire and sustain these kind of transcendental relationships – even on the material plane. In the Vishnu Sahasranama, Lord Nayarana is is addressed as “sutantu” and “tantu-vardhana”. He is the only who bestows beautiful relationships and even improves/enhances them. Not only on the marital plane but also also other relationships.

So the next time you hear about a bad relationship or failed marriage, don’t be disheartened. Marriages and relationships can work. Here are few points to bear in mind:

• Keep up your daily spiritual practices, including connecting with the pure devotee Spiritual Master -Srila Prabhupada – and keep this daily routine independent of ANYONE (except Guru and Krishna). That is the original identity with which you should approach sustainable relationships
• Chant the Holy Names of the Lord every single day. When you build a daily relationship with the Lord through His Names, you have already built a solid foundation for your other relationships. Always know that your primary relationship is with God and everything else is a secondary relationship, which needs to be sustained and nurtured by His Grace, under His watchful supervision.
• Practice the consciousness of knowing God is ALWAYS present with you – even in your confusions, decisions, pains, and hard times. This way you will NEVER forget Him during your happy moments. This is what Srila Prabhupada insisted on when he said “Never forget Krishna; Always remember Krishna”
• Tune into the quality of relationship you want and see whether you have that in you to offer back
• Do unto others what you’d do unto yourself. sarva-bhūta-stham ātmānaṁ sarva-bhūtāni chātmani (BG 6.29)

Last but not the least, knowing that only the Lord is the Epitome of Perfection and everything/everyone else is delicately/sweetly imperfect, including ourselves, makes us soften our stance on and expectations from relationships. That is love. Everything else is lust.