Pusta-krsna: In the Bhagavatam, you said that by the age of sixteen, a girl should be married, or twenty-four for a man. We were just reading that…
Prabhupada: That is the maximum.
Pusta-krsna: We were just reading that.
Prabhupada: The point is that supposing this twenty to thirty-six years is nice age… For women. But before twenty years, she is sacked, and her health is broken. What she’ll produce, children? Because this is… The girls, from twelve years, thirteen years, nowadays, they begin sex.
Pusta-krsna: That’s true.
Prabhupada: Is it not?
Pusta-krsna: That’s true.
Prabhupada: So before she reaches twenty years, twenty times she must have taken contraceptive method. And that means her health is ruined. What she’ll produce? They are given in the schools, colleges, contraceptive tablets. And they are prohibiting, “Don’t get child before twenty years.” What is this nonsense? This is the difficulty. All rascals, they have taken leadership. Women should, should be allowed to beget children as soon as they’re able. But as soon as the pregnancy is there, there should not be any sex life. They have got sex life in pregnancy also. So many things, we have… We can guide them all, all these rascals. From sastra, we can guide them. Therefore immediately human society, a class of men who are fully conversant with the Vedic conclusion required to guide these rascals, socially, politically, in every respect.
Guru-gauranga: They say that they have made studies, Srila Prabhupada…
Guru-gauranga: They have made studies and that if a woman gives birth at the age less than twenty there are more chances that she die according to their statistics.
Prabhupada: Their statistics in the western world… Inductive knowledge is always imperfect. They have not seen in India….This illicit sex, even with wife… If sex life is indulged after the period of menstruation, that is also illicit sex. There are so many rules and regulations about sex life in Vedic culture. That is real use of sex life. In the Bhagavad-gita, sex life, He says that dharmaviruddhah kamo ‘smi. “Sex life which is under regulative principle of the Vedic knowledge,” Krsna says, “I am that sex life. I am that sex life.” And beyond that, that is illicit sex life. And yesterday I was reading that dharma… When there is irreligious sex, then it increases varna-sankara, unwanted population. So the modern civilization, they’re letting loose the women for prostitution, and they want nice children. That is not possible.
…
Prabhupada: The basic principle is to check population. Now, if they follow the Vedic principles, automatically the population is checked. Just like brahmacari. So if the, both the boys and girls remain brahmacari, then where is the unwanted population? Where is the question of this contraceptive method?
Nitai: No need.
Prabhupada: No need. Then when the brahmacari is allowed to become grhastha, he can keep more than one wife if he’s able to provide them nicely. Here they marry today and tomorrow divorce. The… No meaning of marriage. Simply prostitution. Because he does not need a wife. His sex life is satisfied in so many ways. So why he should be affected, attached to wife? And why the wife should be attached to the husband? Therefore divorce. It is stated in the Srimad-Bhagavatam, Dam-patye ratim eva hi. In the Kali-yuga, married life means sex life. For sex satisfaction, they’ll marry. Otherwise, there is no need of marrying. That is… Svikara eva codvahe. Marriage means that they, both of them agree that “We shall live together for some time.” These things are happening, already foretold. By agreement, “Yes, we shall live together.” That is marriage. “And then I may divorce.” Actually, they do not know what is the meaning of marriage. All dependent on sex. Rati. Rati means… Dam-patye ratim eva hi. Vipratve sutram eva hi: “To become brahmana means just have a thread only.”
Pusta-krsna: Even big scientists and politicians, same thing.
Prabhupada: Everywhere. It is a civilization of rascals. That’s all. That duskrtina. Duskrtina means they have got merit. As human being, everyone has got merit. That is used for sinful activities. That’s all. Duskrtina. Therefore they are godless. Na mam duskrtino mudhah [Bg. 7.15]. All these sinful men, rascals, they don’t care for God. They don’t care for next life. This is the position. They don’t believe in these things. If they believe in these things, they’ll have to be systematized. They don’t want that. The life is, what is called, extravagancy? No? Now it is a… Systematically they are following. The karmis, they work hard, whole week, and the end of the weekend, they call any beautiful woman, pay her something, don’t take responsibility of family life. This has become a system. Is it not?
[Excerpts from Srila Prabhupada Room Conversations, Geneva, June 7, 1974]
REAL FREEDOM! 
MY DAUGHTER IS 21 SHE IS STILL A VIRGIN AND HAS NEVER TAKEN CONTRACEPTIVES. SHE HAS NO DESIRE TO GET MARRIED OR HAVE A BOYFRIEND! SHE MAKES FLOWER GARLANDS AND GHEE WICKS AND SEWS CLOTHES FOR THE DIETY! I SAY LEAVE HER ALONE AS SHE IS HAPPY WITH KRSNA!
It is nice to have our children trained to depend totally on Krsna in all circumstances. This love of God can remove all basal desires. We need more Krsna Consciousness in parents to have more Krsna conscious kids.
Like it is said in Srimad Bhagavatam,
gurur na sa syāt sva-jano na sa syāt
pitā na sa syāj jananī na sā syāt
daivaṁ na tat syān na patiś ca sa syān
na mocayed yaḥ samupeta-mṛtyum
“One who cannot deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother or a worshipable demigod.
Nice Krsna Conscious parenting. Hare Krsna
Gaura Purnima 2014
To all devotees, with my humble respect.
Jaya Srila Prabhupada who brought and spread the devotional light to the Western countries! Jaya to all Siksa and Diksa Gurus on this path!
Jaya Sri Sri Radha Govinda, Sri Sri Radha Gopinath ….Nitai Gaura Haribolo !
Jaya to the Hare Krishna Maha- Mantra and the Holy Scriptures!
All Glories to you all who are on this devotional path!
Next to the scriptures philosophical and theological discussions on our holy path there is the practical life. The differences between them can provoke confusion which can be the cause of lies, hypocrisy, and disillusion. This feeds the false-ego, brings up sectarianism and decadence and ends up in neglecting spiritual’s practices or even the total abandon of spiritual life.
This message’s goal is to bring hope. The first subject I felt the need to approach is the coaching of the Grhastra’s couples.
Happy reading!
A Mataji’s perspective….
First of all, why do we choose the Grhasta’s asram?
If the marriage goal is exclusively to serve together and procreate Krishna conscious children, a lot of drama would be avoided just by remaining God Brothers and Sisters and go out and preach!
Most women devotees want to get married to build a family. They aspire to serve their husband, share with him spiritual knowledge, their services and each other’s realizations, chant together in Kirtans …. All that within warm reciprocating feelings, deep friendship and mutual help.
The desire to become a mother is, for them, more important than simply having sex.
They generally are often capable to control their sexual urges. They are more prone to desire tenderness and affection from their husband.
For the common men devotees, controlling sexuality is often hard work. Some turn with great shame to masturbation.
.Many.Bhramacaris enter Ghrasta life in order to have the possibility to have again a sexual life. They decide to marry because they cannot assume celibacy, serving together with their wife and building a family is often secondary.
Most Grhasta’s men like to teach, to protect his wife and to have a harmonious family life. He needs his wife‘s admiration.
Physical’s contacts with his spouse can escalate in wanting regular sex. He then either run away from her association or try to convince her to have a sexual act.
According to his position as a man, the husband may feel himself superior to his wife.
Being conditioned Souls; this is small approach of our differences. Not to take them in consideration heads for failure! We can build only on what is, not on what should be.
The married relationship could be a wonderful tool to help each other and grow on the path of devotion and in familial and human’s responsibilities. It could be a great help to overcome step by step the false-ego and learning real tolerance, humility and detachment. It can develop compassion. I can share with you my experience about these, if you want it….
But first of all I wanted to ask you to question yourself about the sharing of affection and the sexuality within the married couples, because this has brought a lot of problems, sufferings and fall down.
Sexuality within Grhasta couples.
The sexual act is according to Srila Prabhupada an act to procreate good children. Sexual relationship is tolerated because one is« not advanced enough» to go without it.
But how am I supposed to do such an act?
Should I be careful because my wife could be a distraction from my spiritual path? Is it her fault because by nature her body is provocative?
Can I have feelings for him (her)? Or should I try to stay detached? How?
Should I try not to be aroused by my partner …since then I’ m falling back into the mode of passion?
Should I try not to enjoy the act….since, if I do, it is not for Krishna’s pleasure?
Could it be an act where I express my love to my partner? How?
Should I control my orgasm? How? By chanting 54 rounds?
Would 54 rounds be sufficient and necessary to create good children?
Can I embrace and touch my partner outside that sexual procreating intimacy? How? …
Those blurred concepts have generated numerous ill-treats at the center of couples and families such as:
– Some men devotees run away from responsibilities of show no interest in the education of their children or abandon them in young age.
– Some men use control/abuse towards wife and children in order to convince themselves they are still in charge;
– Some husbands have taken sexual advantage of their wife with total disrespect.
– Some women experience rape because of the uncontrollable frustration of their partner. Others have to face adultery.
– Some women having affectionate needs or sexual urges that is denied by their husband, do not hesitate to have an affair with another married devotee.
– Some women being so frustrated by their relationship has lost some of their faith; others have tried a new relationship with a woman…
How many devotees do not experience frustration and bitterness in their married life? Nevertheless most of them do get up early in mornings, follow faithfully the programs, chant their 16 rounds, apply themselves to the service of the Lord, only consume sanctified food and speak from the Scriptures.
How many devotees are trying to maintain the claim of forbidden sex life and, doing so, they often open the door to countless of tensions and even to corruptions (from adultery to pedophilia …)?
Even «so called advanced» devotees have lost themselves in such perversions which bring unrests, sufferings, complication and fall down.
How many wives do refuse the demand of a sexual act (because she wants to stick to the rules and regulations) and do have to support their husband’s lost of interest for her and their children?
How many devotees’s couples do have an active sexuality during their marriage? They do not dare to talk about it and even hide their bedroom ashamed of their double bed ….fearing they might lose their service ….fearing the looks of others etc…….defying the forbidden, they activate an unhealthy mix of excitation and guilt which fogs their mind and affects their relationship and service.
They feel often guilty, fallen and impure. Even if they love their service and the temple life…even if they have full respect for the others devotees…
In this world sexual relationships are often irresponsible, dislocated, self-centered, egoistic and perverse ….Medias, some psychologists and sexologist praise sex liberation and so enslave their clients. The society of consummation has taken over intimate life …Kali-Yuga progresses….
That pollute some devotees’s mind ….who then get a mistress, convince themselves they are more advanced spiritually since they are less attached to their wife, may believe they are capable of loving many women just like the advanced Souls of the Mahabarat !………others choose to secretly visit prostitutes or the masturbation. Enslaved in their own uncontrolled urges, not capable of realizing or accepting it, they throw the fault and responsibility on their wife. They accuse them of refusing their advances because they wish to follow strictly the rules and regulations ………lost and without alternatives some devotees may even explore deviant sexuality….
So what to do?
The strong accent placed on the «non attachment» to the wife and family brakes the will to share affection, feelings, love towards each other, furthermore towards their children and responsibilities! Real detachment is nurtured progressively. Not by disillusions but from developing further attachment to our devotional path (which is not contrary to have affectionate feelings towards partner and children).
Is it not time to coach the devotees in how to deal with their affectionate feelings and the sexual act for procreation if they are (or want to get) married?
Wouldn’t it be better to accept that many couples do have sexual relationships beside the procreation’s act …and give also to them the space to have a sexual life within the range of their love? Help them on from the reality of their being by explaining them how to deal with it.
The majority of humans are influenced by sexual urges. It is difficult to control, would’t it be better to teach them how to channel them?
In Kali-Yuga, sexual freedom takes over! A new approach to sexuality is necessary for the whole of human society.
Couldn’t we, as devotees, give a beautiful message of hope to this society?
Couldn’t we cut down the departure of many disciples, break down the spreading of lies and hypocrisy by improving conjugal relationships, protect our children, reduce divorces and attract more people to chant the Maha-Mantra and join in devotional service? Couldn’t we open our arms to all and guide them from their perspective?
In order to reach such a goal we must dare to talk about it, break down the taboo. I dared explore the subject. That is why I thought of my duty to open up this dialogue.
Thank you for reading that message till the end. All the best on your devotional path!
I am married and very happily. I’ve experiences personally or I’ve been the witness of what I’ve told in this letter. To maintain a blind vision about this means for me a lack of compassion.
English is not my mother language so thanks to my devotee’s friend to have helped me with this letter. You can write to me in English, French and Netherland.
I will respond to all constructive inquiries.
Dasianudasi with light and love,
Kuntidevi
108kuntidevi@gmail.com
Hare Krishna. Nice response. Please continue to share your articles on relationship issues and the solution based on Srila Prabhupada’s teachings.
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