No one in this world can disagree that raising a child to be successful adult of character requires dedicated efforts and time – both of which are a scarcity these days.  Having children is something anyone can do as part of a relationship between a man and woman; but parenting is a totally different ball game alright –  something you cannot rush through.  Like they say, “once a parent, always a parent.”  There is no escaping this fact and no, separation/divorce doesn’t absolve either the father or mother of their responsibilities.

So, it is important to consider the dynamics of a relationship that is centered around bringing up a God Conscious child.  Unless this is achieved, there is no success either for the parent or child.  There is no God Conscious upbringing for children unless parents themselves are in this realm.  Only on this platform can parents remain aware of the inherent abilities of a child and help dovetail it towards self-realization and spiritualized, service-oriented disposition.  It requires what is called “Sensitive Parenting” ©

Let’s examine inherent qualities of children and the relationship dynamics between them and their parents:

• Children not at all duplicitous.  A child can walk in anywhere and no one would stop them or be offended.  The example of this is, the great sages – Sanak, Sanatana, Sanandana and Sanat Kumara – the four Kumaras, who in their child form entered the doors of the spiritual world – Vaikuntha – to see the Lord.  They had the kind of access that even Lord Brahma, who had to pray at the shores of milk ocean, did not have.

POINT:  Encourage/sensitize your child to absorb and learn from their immediate environments and respond to them in a sensitive, creative way.  Demonstrate.

• A child’s senses are never disturbed by sex.  In the example above, the Kumaras, though were highly advanced, realized souls, kept themselves as small children about four or five years old because by growing into youth one’s senses sometimes become disturbed and celibacy becomes difficult. (Srimad Bhagavatam Purport 4.22)

POINT:  Ensure that you always monitor the kind of stimuli, associations and  training the child is exposed to in early stages.  This forms the firm spiritual foundation for them to develop a strong sense of discretion and choice

• Almost 99.9 percent of the population is unhappy in family life, despite all the attempts being made to satisfy the family members.  In the Western countries, especially, there are many cases of divorce, and out of dissatisfaction, the children leave the protection of their parents. Especially in this age of Kali, family life is being reduced. Everyone is becoming self-centered because that is the law of nature. (Srimad Bhagavatam 5.13.8)

POINT:  As parents, understand and work on your own relationships.  Know that any relationship not based on spiritual principles will not work in the long run.  If you mold your own lives around this truth, automatically children will be strong and calm even amid ups and downs.

• It is the duty of the parents/guardians of children to revive the divine consciousness dormant in them. (Bhagavad Gita 7.15 : PURPORT)

POINT:  If you don’t give a God conscious upbringing to your child, you are setting him/her up for failure.  This is because the world places unrealistic expectations for aggressive pursuit of material pleasures and without spiritual consciousness, a child will grow up without the ability to say no at the right time.  Demonstrate and explain when you get an opportunity

• So when we are children, innocent, we have no bad habits, but as we grow and associate with bad company, we also acquire all these bad habits. So to give up all these bad habits means we have to associate with sādhus or devotees, saintly persons. Then we can give it up. This is called anartha-nivṛtti, means giving up all unwanted bad habits. (BG lecture Mexico, February 11, 1975)

POINT:  It is very important to keep your child in good company from the beginning.  As they grow teach them this skill and discretion using spiritual training and stories from scriptures.  A little caution in watching and protecting your child in the beginning will help a lot when he/she grows up.

• That was children’s sport – to go to the forest, take the calves and cows and carry some tiffin. Eat there, dance there, play there, and again come in the evening. Then they will take bath and change their dress and take their meals and immediately go to sleep. This was the boy’s, children’s, engagement. So how they would grow healthy because they go outside and play and work and very happily, they enjoy the company. So there is no question of becoming contaminated. (Lecture Los Angeles, May 16, 1973)

POINT:  Of course, there is no question of this kind of ideal, Vedic environment in the modern age.  But the key take-away here is that children need engagement.  Not the kind that parents give in form of gadgets and video games.  They need a different perspective of life and enjoyment – activities like eating prasadam, dancing, singing – all devotional activities.  This can keep them pure.

• Child is the father of man, so the basic principle of any type of life is to instruct to the children from the very beginning, Krishna Consciousness. Children grow to be the topmost leaders of the human society. (Srila Prabhupada Lecture Los Angeles 22 January, 1968)

POINT:  Understand that your child can be happy in the long term only if you help him develop his/her spiritual consciousness.  With that, he/she will be able to face any challenge of life with a smile.  Practice yourself and demonstrate how to live day to day life in such consciousness.

• So if children are trained-up in this way, they will naturally grow up to be sober and responsible, the best citizens and a credit to their state. So preach in this way, attract their young children to Krishna by teaching in a very interesting fashion—let them chant, dance, and take prasadam, that’s all. Later, when they are old enough to understand, a little philosophy. And always keep them engaged one way or another in devotional service. That way they will become very attached to Krishna and they will not go away to a life of false standard of life. (Srila Prabhupada Letter, Bombay 1971)

POINT: All propensities of a child – eating nice tasty food, dancing, singing, playing etc can be dovetailed in activities of Krishna Consciousness.  That way you will make them immune to material contaminations and help them build a one-on-one relationship with the Supreme Lord

Conclusion:  Good parenting is a big responsibility.  In this age, we cannot leave the well-being or upbringing of a child to chance.  Yes, they need to fight it out.  Yes, they need to stand up on their own feet.  But help them with the proper training and acquisition of all gears to be able to take this responsibility on their little shoulders.  Children cannot grow up by chance.  They have the potential to bloom into beautiful flowers if taken care of by parents, with a focus on training and purifying the consciousness, and not stuffing the stink of material rat race into it.

By Divya Rupa Devi dasi